School starts in three days. Let’s sum it up.

It’s been a good summer, full and bloated, stuffed with so much. Whose fault is that? Well, no one’s I guess. A lot of it couldnt’ve been avoided. My appendix exploded, tough shit. Jon and I broke up, tough shit. I think that second one was for the best; we weren’t right for each other, and I wasn’t being completely true to him. My head was always somewhere else, and a lot of the stuff I said to him was a lie. I just rushed things with him so I could find something to fill the immense hole that Eric left in my life. He couldn’t fit that hole, and no one will, I just have to live with it.  You can’t measure up to first love.

In the meantime, spending my days with Erik has been marvelous (yeah my new guy’s name is Erik, horribly ironic). We line up so perfectly, and I’m so thankful that we were brought together. I don’t know what’s in store for us, seeing as we’re both seniors with big dreams, but for now I’m okay with watching Seinfeld all day in his room and laying in fields until midnight swatting mosquitoes. It’s just for the first time in a while, I’m not lying to myself, and I’m not lying to someone else. I don’t have to, we synchronize. I don’t expect you all to believe me when I say this is different, considering what I said about Jon, but gosh it is.

College is close; I start applying soon. I need to get my shit together. I’m applying to Bridgewater, Mary Washington, Radford, and maybe George Mason. It’s all so exciting, it’s just that a little part of me doesn’t want to let all of this go.

Lesson learned: You don’t need constant diversion. It’s alright to not have a boyfriend. It’s alright to spend all day watching TV. It’s alright to go out of the house and off somewhere by yourself. You can’t give yourself to someone until you know yourself completely, and I’m getting there.


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