I want to tell him that this is too fast for me. I want to tell him that I’m not ready to fall in love with him, that the last relationship I was in was a complete lie and that the one before that entirely emptied me of any emotional strength or responsibility. How can he say that he’s falling in love with me when he doesn’t know the whole story? He doesn’t know every little thing about me, how can it be love? Because he doesn’t care. Because he doesn’t give a shit about how I smoke or the people I’ve slept with, or the friends I’ve lost. Because he doesn’t care about Eric or Jon or anyone that was before him, because he loves me now.
And the thing is, I can’t act like it isn’t mutual. I can’t act like everything he is doesn’t completely fascinate and consume me whole. I’ve never felt this for anyone before; such delicacy, such baby steps, every movement counts. I can’t stop this; these things just happen.