I spent the majority of this evening watching old home movies. It is amazing how things have changed; that haircut, those couches, family outings… You can really see what everything that is now came to be; the tension between my mom and dad, my constant need for attention, Jake’s feelings of abandonment… How both and all of everything that happened then fully influenced what was to come. What if I walked up to a six-year-old me and said, “Believe it or not, in the next ten years, you will claim to fall in love with several boys, go through a handful of best friends, be betrayed, be loved, beat the living shit out of your step-mother resulting in a cumulative year of therapy, have an identity crisis, develop trust issues, start smoking, and treat your little brother like scum on your shoe.” I know what I would do. I would shake my head and dance away. I would deny it, but would denying it then, and knowing it then, prevent any of it from happening? If only we knew then what we know now.


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