Mess with the Bull, You Get the Horns

Here’s the order of people to not piss off:

1. The Door Guy – Get an attitude with him right off the bat and you’re going nowhere. Fake IDs will get you no mercy, you’ll be escorted out and your fake ID will be taken and destroyed. Even if you enter normally and become obnoxious later, they can still ask you to leave and will.

2. The Bartender – After passing the door guy, you generally go for the bar. Wait your turn, don’t cut in front of people. If you yell at them or are bossy, your drink will be watered down and potentially in a plastic cup, if you ever get it at all. Phrases like “hey dude” and “hey man” won’t get you a cocktail any faster; making instant friends with the bartender will get you nowhere. The only way to get special service and strong drinks is to become genuine friends with the bartender; they have a life to talk about, too.

3. The Wait Staff – If you’re drinking at a table or get asked if you want a drink from the waiter/waitress, he/she is your most direct connection to the bartender. She writes down your order and tells the bartender what you want. And if you plan to return, tip her well. The wait staff remembers every face. The next time you come to the bar, your Jack & Coke will be 3/4 Coke and 1/4 Jack. Whoops.

4. The Manager (Boss Man) – The manager on duty isn’t that much of a threat, but still carries a lot of power that can be used against you. If you’re causing a ruckus and the door guy can’t see it, the manager may and will relay to the door guy that you need to go. They may be in uniform, or they may be in normal-non-working-people clothes. They’re sneaky and dangerous.

4. The Regulars – Similar to a middle school cafeteria, the regulars are regular in their clichés. As far as summer goes, there’s the older guys that come in when they’re supposed to be at their office running their “self-employed construction company”. Most of their construction is done on the cornhole boards out front. The summer barflies; the same ones that are there during the school year, only thrown in a colander and drained, only leaving the ones with no life other than Longwood in the summer. They chain smoke, order fruity drinks, flirt with no results, and they discuss things that are very, very important.

And then there’s the town drunk. A harsh title yes, and most everyone doesn’t listen to him, but there’s times when he’s not as drunk as you think he is, and he sees all. He knows what’s going to happen before anyone else, and if you sit and actually listen to him, he’ll tell you about the amazing life he’s lived. Stipulation: There can only be one old drunk man at each bar.

5. The Locals – This is an important point during the school year. Locals are there year-round and want to enjoy their town bar freely and without bother. You are not priority because you’re a student, you are a customer, and actually somewhat less valued because you are only there for 8 months out of the year. 202 loves the students and the town, but that doesn’t mean you’re privileged.


One response to “Mess with the Bull, You Get the Horns

  1. Ooooohh–can you do a post about the various types/stages of intoxicated beligerents and their sidekicks? (e.g.–girlfriend of drunk boy, wing man of drunk dude, etc.)

    So the blog theme you chose is “The Journalist” nice. Can’t decide if that’s dedication or a bit cult-ish.

    I look forward to more stories. Be nice to the professors!

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