Oh the Roles We Play

On almost every busy night at Bar 202, you can see the same characters over and over again, manifesting in different people’s bodies. Sometimes you’ve seen them before and sometimes there are multiples, but these are the typical, cookie-cutter characters you see on bar night.

 

 

1. The Embarrassed Boyfriend – He brings his girlfriend or date to the bar and they drink way more than they should. With a girlfriend it’s not as bad/embarrassing because this probably isn’t the first time they’ve conducted themselves in such a manner, but if this is occurring on a first or second date, ouch. No man should be holding your hair back while you puke off the patio on a first date. I’d say that’d put you in the “Not-a-Keeper” box, where you will sit and be shoved under the bed. The Embarrassed Boyfriend hangs his head, chuckles nervously at the door guy when she gets thrown out, and holds her appletini while she goes to the bathroom. But most of all, he has no fun.

2. The Sloppy Stud – Some people, guys and girls, come into the bar with a mission: I will be taking someone home with me tonight. So they “mack” on every girl that seems interested and fits their generally low standards, order light beers until they get in good with the girls then order them a round of shots, and tip horribly. They have silly tattoos that they got done by “their buddy in Lynchburg”, reek of Axe or something of the like, and wear Tapout clothing. Ick.

3.The Bar Fly – She comes with barely any money and a less than classy outfit. She giggles obnoxiously, sits in your bar stools where paying customers could be sitting, and waits to be showered by drinks. You ask her again and again is she wants anything – “Oh, no” with a smile and slight laugh, like she gets a joke that I don’t get. There’s no joke, and you don’t really want the night to work out for her because she’s taking up space and losing you money, but nonetheless the Sloppy Studs roll in and she gets everything she wants. Oh, life.

4. The Cougar – You aren’t fooling anyone with that wig. It may be 21 and up on Thursdays, but there’s an unspoken cut-off at 50 past 10 p.m. You circle the bar flaunting your cleavage and drinking, if anyone would take notice, an old lady drink. I feel nauseous when you hit on 20-somethings, but feel pity at the same time. I find it sad that you’re here, but at the same time, glad that you’re able to go out and have a good time. Just don’t become a Cougar Bar Fly. Nobody likes a Cougar Bar Fly.

5. The Sneaky Kid – Your fake ID looks nothing like you, Justin Bieber. I can still see a little bit of Sharpie that you weren’t able to scrub off in the bathroom, Miley. These are silly choices. Most of the people who work at 202 have worked at a bar or restaurant before, and they aren’t going to play your reindeer games. If you come in with a fake ID, we will take it, make fun of you, then kick you out. If you wash the Xs off of your hands, I will notice that you’re looking around a little too much and standing a little too awkwardly to have never been to a bar before, also you struggled ordering your drink, so ID check, you don’t have it, and you’re gone. Holy run-on sentence. The Sneaky Kids just annoy me because, well, you aren’t sneaky.

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