Ah, I Love the Smell of Newly 21 College Students

We’re about a month away from game time, kids.

That’s right. In a month everyone will be heading back to ol’ Farmville (unless you’re me, who goes back next week). A lot of you are moving off campus for the first time, whether it be to the Park, Village, Walk2Campus, or any of the surrounding areas. A lot of you have also turned 21 over the summer, which is bittersweet for me. While I’m excited that people from my year are finally going to be able to come to the bar, including some of my best friends, I had a whole crop of seasoned bar-goers leave me in May to go off to be adults and stuff. While I will miss them dearly, you all have a lot to live up to if you’re going to follow in your predecessors’ footsteps. So here are some tips for you as you anticipate your first time legally (don’t act like you’ve drank there before I would have caught you) drinking at the bar:

  1. If you’re over on the avenues or the Village or Sunchase, figure out a DD – please. I don’t care if it’s your big or little or step-brother or whatever, don’t go unless you have a ride home. If you’re close the stumble is okay if you can compose yourself, but otherwise, don’t risk it. If there isn’t a 30 person brawl in the back parking lot of the bar or the rugby house isn’t getting busted, that means that the cops are out and looking for people like you who think they can walk 3 miles after 10 double whiskey and Cokes. And if you can’t find a DD, arrange somewhere to stay on campus or near the bar.
  2. Don’t ball too hard. That’s what your 21st birthday was for. No one likes the girl that is constantly completely wasted before everyone else at the bar, crying about your ex-boyfriend and taking Jagerbombs at 7 PM. And you’ll earn yourself a reputation fast. The boys don’t think it’s cute, your friends don’t think it’s cute, and the staff most certainly doesn’t think it’s cute.
  3. Don’t break the rules. Just don’t. You aren’t as sneaky as you think you are and security has been increased since May. And not just adding a fence this time.
  4. Wear something comfortable. I’ve seen too many girls eat the floor in stilettos coming down from the bathroom towards the front bar. Especially on busy nights, that floor gets slippery and that incline gets steeper somehow. If you’re gonna do the fancy shoes don’t plan on drinking a whole lot unless you’re in wedges. Also, if you’re going to wear a short skirt/dress, wear some shorts under them. This is one of my rules. Put some shorts on under that dress that are slightly too slutty to wear alone because you never know if you’re going to be dancing, or falling face first on an incline. This also applies to dudes. No tank tops; you look like a douche in them anyways. The dress code is posted by the back door; read it.
  5. Drink smart. Know your limits and drinking habits before you go out. This varies from person to person, but one rule of thumb that is pretty universal is don’t drink more than one of something with dairy in it. Doing so ensures blowing chunks all over the bathroom that we have to clean later. AND DO NOT DRINK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
  6. Do not write on those damn stalls. I mean it. Plus I can figure out who wrote what most of the time anyway. Not to mention having a sorority war on a bathroom stall is so lame. I’m sorry collegeACB shut down but c’mon, girls.
  7. Don’t give into peer pressure; we’re too old for it anyway. Don’t like whiskey? Don’t accept a whiskey shot. Don’t like Jager because it’s disgusting and I don’t understand how people drink it either? Don’t do a Jagerbomb. Know what you like and if people give you a hard time for not taking a shot or chugging something, don’t worry about it. They already look dumb for acting like a high schooler.

The rest of my tips can be found here. I look forward to meeting those of you whom I haven’t met, and those of you who I have, I’ll be keeping an eye on you. Please keep these tips in mind as you come back to school and begin your life as a person of the drinking age.

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